Pain

It is sad sometimes,

You try your best to ease someone's pain.

Yet your own? 

Belittled to no end...

Pain is not objective,

When you cry,

It is not always sad,

There are such thing as tears of joy.

Pain is like that, it is exhaustive,

In quietness, there is pain,

In loudness, there is pain,

In a smile, there is pain,

In an expresionless face, there is pain.

We are all miserable one way or another,

Mine this, yours the other,

All I want to do is get through the day,

Least you could do is let me grieve in my own way.

~Jaw~

Syaitan (Part 1)

   “Abah!” Alia datang berlari padaku dari luar pagar rumah lantas memelukku. Tangisannya yang tertahan sejak tadi mula kedengaran. Kaget, aku memeluknya kembali, “Alia. Kenapa ni? Kenapa menangis?” Aku sapu air matanya dengan sapu tangan sambil menggosok-gosok belakang Alia yang masih lagi menangis teresak-esak. Tiba-tiba kelihatan seorang lelaki yang seusia aku, berkopiah dan berjubah putih masuk melepasi pagar rumahku.

   “Kau siapa?!” jerit aku. “Maafkan saya encik. Saya Zaki. Saya ustaz di sekolah Alia. Saya yang bawa Alia pulang ke rumah,” jawab lelaki tersebut sopan. “Maafkan saya ustaz. Saya ingat lelaki mana yang mengganggu Alia tadi. Maafkan saya,” aku tunduk sebagai tanda meminta maaf, malu dengan tindakan aku yang terburu-buru.

   “Abah. Ini Abang Aki. Abang Aki…. Abang Aki…” Alia terus menangis tanpa menunjukkan tanda ingin berhenti. Aku genggam tangannya erat. Entah apalah yang telah terjadi sehinggakan anakku menangis sebegini rupa, dan kenapa pula ustaz yang seusia aku ini dipanggilnya abang? Banyak yang bermain di fikiranku. Aku gelengkan kepala, cuba membuang rasa tak sedap hati yang tiba-tiba singgah di fikiran.

   “Alia, jom kita masuk. Ceritakan pada Abah semuanya di dalam nanti ya,“ aku pimpin tangannya masuk ke dalam rumah. Terlupa akan kehadiran ustaz tadi, aku berpaling ke arahnya, “Ustaz, silalah masuk. Kalau ustaz tahu apa yang telah terjadi, tolonglah ceritakan kepada saya di dalam.” Ustaz Zaki mengangguk dan perlahan-lahan mengekori kami masuk ke dalam. Aku mempersilakannya duduk di ruang tamu sementara aku ke dapur menyediakan segelas air. Alia masih lagi tidak ingin melepaskan aku dan mengekori aku ke dapur.

   Selesai menyediakan segelas air teh, aku hidangkan kepada Ustaz Zaki. “Minta maaflah ustaz, ini saja yang boleh saya sediakan. Isteri saya tiada di rumah,” kataku. “Tak mengapa encik. Saya faham. Saya datang pun mengejut,” jawabnya.

   “Ustaz, cubalah ceritakan kepada saya, kenapa Alia menangis sampai macam ni sekali?” “Begini Encik Ali. Saya harap encik bersabar dan jangan marah kepada Alia,” beritahu Ustaz Zaki dengan nada serius. Suaranya sedikit terketar, aku dapat rasakan dia gementar. Entah apahalnya. “Sebenarnya, Alia ditangkap basah pagi tadi…” sambungnya sambil menundukkan muka.

   “ALLAH!” aku bangun memandang Alia dengan perasaan bercampur baur. Marah, terkejut, sedih. “Alia. Apa Alia dah buat ni? Betul ke apa yang Abah dengar ni sayang?” tanya aku, cuba untuk menahan perasaan marah yang membuak-buak. Paling tidak, aku perlu mendengar penjelasan daripadanya terlebih dahulu. Alia menangis lagi. “Abah! Maafkan Alia Bah. Alia tak sengaja. Alia betul-betul tak tahu. Alia sayang Abang Aki. Ampun Bah,” jawabnnya sambil melutut di kakiku.

   Tangan aku terketar-ketar menahan kemarahan. Aku berpaling menghadap Ustaz Zaki meminta penjelasan. “Maafkan saya encik. Sebenarnya saya juga cintakan Alia…” Belum sempat dia menghabiskan ayatnya, aku melepaskan satu tumbukan tepat ke mukanya. Zaki jatuh lantai. Aku genggam kolar bajunya sekemas mungkin. “KAU GILA KE ORANG TUA!?-“ jerit aku, “KAU TAHUKAN ANAK AKU BARU 11 TAHUN!!! KAU ORANG TUA KUTUK SEBAYA AKU, KAU NI SIAL KE APA BERCINTA DENGAN ANAK MURID SENDIRI!!!” aku meludah ke mukanya. Marah aku tidak lagi bertebing. Dalam kepala aku, kalau perlu bermandi darah, ustaz ini akan aku bunuh. Aku tendang perutnya, aku tumbuk mukanya bertubi-tubi, Zaki cuma mampu menjerit meminta maaf.

   Maaf? Hah! Kau dah cari pasal dengan orang yang salah. “ABAH!!!” Alia tiba-tiba datang menahanku daripada mengamuk. “Abah..-“ dalam esakan Alia merayu, “Janganlah diapa-apakan Abang Zaki. Dia tak salah. Kami cinta suka sama suka.” “Allah…” aku lepaskan Zaki. Darahnya menitik ke lantai dan Zaki mengerang kesakitan.

   “Anak Abah. Apa yang Alia cakap ni sayang? Abah hantar Alia ke sekolah bukan untuk bercinta sayang. Alia masih muda. Siapa yang mengajar Alia benda-benda begini?” aku bertanya kepadanya, lembut, lalu duduk di sebelahnya. “Alia nak kahwin dengan Abang Aki Abah…” Aku kelu, tak mampu berkata apa-apa. Anakku yang usianya baru setahun jagung, makan dan minum masih lagi aku mampu berikan, sudah berkata-kata mengenai hal perkahwinan? Mungkinkah ini suatu mimpi?

   “Alia nak kahwin dengan Abang Aki… Sebab tu Alia sanggup kena tangkap basah dengan dia. Kami dah 4 tahun bercinta Abah,” sambung Alia. “SYAITAN!!!!!” Aku bangun dan menendang kembali Zaki yang masih lagi terbaring menahan kesakitan. Aku pijak mukanya berkali-kali. Aku rasa marah dan benciku terhadap syaitan bertopengkan manusia ini tidak akan pernah habis dan berapa banyak kali pun aku pijak mukanya, tumbuk atau tendang badannya, hati aku tidak akan pernah puas sampailah nyawanya melayang di tanganku.

~Jaw~

The Eternal Space

The Eternal Space,

Makes you realise,

Of your grainy existence,

In a world of the infinities,

Infinite-but ever-expanding.

The Eternal Space,

Where you are but a dot,

A dot- albeit significant,

Ephemeral but important,

You matter.

The Eternal Space,

Unfathomable milestones,

Tasked with reigns in your hands,

Arrogance but power nonetheless,

To consume or to bless.

~Jaw~

A poem written quite some time ago, specially for Hazy's Eternal Space instrumental. I shared the link to the music above. Give it a listen and maybe this time around, reread the poem while listening to it? Maybe you can get some insights on how this song touches my very soul.
The poem somehow gained some Youtube commenters/readers' attentions and man... I can't describe how it feels like when people approve of your work. Surely it gave me the energy to work harder. Will keep on writing and hopefully God will not take this one joy away from me.

~Jaw~

Aku Buat Seorang Makcik Menangis

Sungguh apa yang kau katakan amat berbekas di hati orang, maka katakanlah perkara yang baik-baik.

Aku masih ingat lagi akan satu kejadian, di mana aku telah membuat seorang makcik yang sudah separuh umur, menangis kerana apa yang aku katakan. Berbekas di hatinya, namun lebih-lebih lagi terkesan di hatiku sendiri.

Hal ini terjadi lebih kurang semasa aku berada dalam tahun 2 atau 3 pengajian di universiti. Pada masa itu sahabat-sahabatku ramai yang sibuk dengan Festival Kelestarian Islam (FESKI), satu festival di mana para pelajar Muslim sibuk berkongsi dengan seluruh warga kampus mengenai Islam dalam berbagai bentuk. Ada yang mahir berlakon, maka disebarnya nilai-nilai murni Islam melalui persembahan teater yang menggoncang jiwa. Ada yang pandai berkata-kata maka dikongsikan bersama semua orang mengenai Islam dengan ceramah, forum dan sebagainya.

Namun yang paling dekat dengan hati aku adalah pameran yang dianjurkan oleh pihak FESKI. Aku juga suka bercerita dan berkata-kata, namun aku tiada keberanian untuk berdiri di hadapan khalayak ramai. Letak sahaja aku di hadapan podium, biar cuma ada 5-10 orang yang mendengar, aku tetap jadi kaku. Lucu. Jadi aku cuma mampu berkongsi serba sedikit ilmu yang aku ada melalui pameran-pameran sebegini.

Tema FESKI pada tahun tersebut adalah 'Misconceptions in Islam'. Pengarah FESKI pada tahun itu memilih tajuk tersebut kerana ingin memberi pencerahan kepada orang awam mengenai konsep-konsep asas Islam yang sering kali disalah fahami orang Islam sendiri, apatah lagi yang orang bukan Islam.

Sedang aku berdiri di satu bahagian pameran yang menceritakan mengenai pengharaman beberapa jenis binatang daripada dimakan, beberapa kenalan aku yang berbangsa Cina datang membaca maklumat yang ditempelkan di situ. Aku lihat beberapa AJK yang menguruskan bahagian tersebut sedang sibuk melayan tetamu yang lain, maka aku beranikan diri untuk mendekati mereka dan menawarkan diri untuk menerangkan kepada mereka, setakat yang aku mampu, sekiranya mereka ingin bertanya mengenai apa-apa saja.

Mereka mengajukan beberapa pertanyaan, dan tanpa aku sedar, ada seorang makcik bersama suaminya berdiri di sebelah kami. Walaupun matanya kelihatan tertampal di pameran tersebut, namun telinganya mendengar satu-satu perkataan yang aku sebut. Sebaik sahaja soalan-soalan sahabatku sudah terjawab, mereka meminta diri dan pergi ke bahagian lain pameran tersebut.

Makcik tadi datang menghampiri aku, "Terima kasih adik. Terima kasih banyak-banyak," katanya sambil mengalirkan air mata.

Aku yang kebingungan bertanya kepadanya, "Makcik, kenapa menangis? Apa yang saya buat sampai makcik mengucapkan terima kasih?"

"Makcik sebenarnya seorang Muallaf. Sudah lebih kurang 14 tahun makcik memeluk Islam, tapi mendengar kamu bercerita pada kawan-kawan kamu mengenai Islam, makcik jadi sebak. Terasa macam zaman makcik mula-mula terbuka hati masuk Islam dulu," jawab dia.

Aku kaget dan tak mampu berkata-kata. Makcik tersebut menyambung lagi, "Semoga Allah merahmati adik dan sahabat-sahabat. Makcik dah tengok pameran ni semuanya. Makcik suka sangat dengan apa yang dibentangkan. Makcik sebenarnya seorang cikgu. Makcik teringin nak menjemput adik buat pameran ni di sekolah makcik. Tak perlu ubah apa-apa isi. Bawa saja bahan-bahan yang sudah ada dan gunakan semula."

"Allahu. Terima kasih makcik. Saya kelu ni tak tahu nak kata apa. Alhamdulillah. Terima kasih dan semoga Allah juga merahmati makcik dan keluarga. Tapi saya minta maaflah makcik. Saya cuma secara kebetulan saja di sini, saya bukan AJK. Sebentar saya panggilkan ketuanya ke mari dan makcik panjangkanlah jemputan tadi kepada dia," balas aku. Aku terus memanggil ketua yang bertugas dan menyampaikan permintaan makcik tadi kepadanya. Dia terus meninggalkan kerjanya dan bergegas ke arah makcik tadi.

Semasa mereka sedang sibuk berbincang, aku meminta diri dan terus pulang ke bilik. Setiap kali ada saja perkataan buruk yang hampir-hampir terpacul keluar dari mulut aku, kisah inilah yang menahan aku daripada menyebutnya. Lagi pula, Allah juga mengingatkan kita dalam surah Al-Baqarah, ayat yang ke 83,

Photo courtesy of NU Online

Semoga perkataan-perkataan yang baik tu menjadi sebab untuk kita ke syurga.


~Jaw~

Moirai's or His

Photo courtesy of Witch Hunter Wiki

Moirai's or His

Once, a boy made a promise,

A promise to his guardian,

A promise to himself, most.

A good man, he said,

A healer, he said,

A benefactor, not a malefactor.

All, as a result of a milestone,

One he laughed at innocently,

Till an instance, it befell him. 

He still laughed, after,

Though more sparingly,

Lest he might regret it.

Even so, he came to forget,

The promise he made,

Only to be reminded by a poem.

Now pretty close to his promise,

He wonders why he is so overwrought,

Is it the Moirai's or is it his?

~Jaw~

Move Away

It was on that fateful day,

Where I was given the chance,

A chance to dream,

A passing hope.

But it soon flew away,

Out of grip to a place,

Where I've hoped it will never go,
Like a man trying to hold on to air,
To his last dying breath, repentant.

Everything in sight,

Is moving away,

Slowly, it never felt right,

There was no pain,

Just silence and... I don't know...

Hopelessness?

Water hammering inside the walls,
The clock swinging, tik tok tik tok,
Breaking the stillness of night,
Like a concert playing in full blast,
And I was standing there,
Among the crowds, Front Row,
Agonized.

                                                                 ~Jaw~

Photo credit to Mikko Lagerstedt - Stillness of Night

Talk To Strangers - #2 (Catalyst)

     Oya oya? How's life? May yours be filled with delight. n_n   Well, at least mine is. A bit of twist here and there, but yeah, that's life aye? It's filled with ups and downs, twists and turns. Right. Enough babbling and let's get to business.

     Few days ago, I was talking to a close friend of mine about how doing good deeds, no matter how small, can actually lighten up someone's day. To borrow her words, "Simple acts actually counts." Coincidentally, I was having a bad hair day, being scolded by doctors and stuffs, a small gesture by a stranger kind of saved me on that very same day. Okay, saved me tu macam over-la pula, but, meh, you know what I mean.

     It began more or less like this, I was walking back to my room for lunch at that time and on my way, I encountered a cleaner nearby my hostel. She's a petite, middle-aged woman with wrinkles all over her face and hands, slightly tanned. She was wearing a dirty t-shirt and her arms were exposed so you could see her veins bulging, a testament of the lady's strength. I gave her a small nod when our eyes met and she immediately recognised me.

     Okay, to be honest, she's not exactly a total stranger. When I was still a first year student, everytime I got out of my room to go to morning lectures, I would see her cleaning, and everyday I would say hi to her till at one point, she became friendly. So, you could say, we've talked to each other but gitu-gitu je la. You know, I bet you have that people where you rarely talk to them, but you do know them, so whenever you see them you would nod a bit just so they won't think you're rude or arrogant. Right? Ke takde?

     Okay, back to the story, when she saw me, she immediately called out to me. "Adik! Tahun berapo doh lo ni?" She was asking me, what year am I in right now. I answered her and we had some small talks, but what she said at the end was the thing that made my day. "Setahun ja la lagi dih. Nok habih doh la dio. Jadi doktor doh pahni. Mokcik doa la ko adik biar jadi doktor hok baguh, biar mudoh belajar, buleh tolong ore. Deh. Gi dulu deh." To translate it simply, she was wishing me well and said she would pray to God to ease my studies so that I can become a good doctor and help people one day. She then left with a nod and smiled at me, to which I returned it with a shout, "THANK YOU!" for I really mean it.

     Baru lepas kena marahkan, dibodoh-bodohkan lagi. Tengah down and suddenly someone wished you well and said something nice to you, that was a real help. I could have slept the sorrow away (tidur 6 jam ok la kot), but just that little gesture by that makcik helped speed up the process to no time at all, like a catalyst. I was immediately refreshed, ready for many more days of learning. I don't know if you have ever felt this, but for me, I noticed, if people were to say something good to me, I would get like some sorts of "buffs'. Depending on who they are, and what they said, some would power me up for a whole week, and that would be my mom. I think you get it don't you?

     This brings me to my conclusion. One, talk to strangers, even by just saying hi. You never know how much of a help they could be in time of need. If saying hi is too hard, a simple smile would do. Do choose them though, janganlah main tegur semua orang. That's dangerous. My second and final point would be, "Simple acts actually counts" so do your share and spread the positivity. Belanja kawan segelas air ke, share some of you candies maybe, I don't know. Be creative, be the catalyst. No matter how small it may seems, you could never guess the sense of tranquility it may provide them. Till next time, ciao.

Not just NYC communities, but to the world communities as well. (Credits to NYC Media)

~Jaw~

ELF

Cosplay by Mirish

     “Huh. Huh. Sorry teacher, I’m late.” “Never mind. Go take your seat.” “Thank you,” I answered gratefully while gasping for air. “Hmm. Where should I sit… The class is full,” I thought to myself. “Jamey! Come here. Sit beside me,” shouted an unknown but familliar voice. It was Natalie’s, every boys’ crush, including me. “Huh? Okay.” Then I moved slowly towards her, careful not to show her that I'm nervous.

     “What's wrong with her? Doesn’t she feel shy shouting like a crazy old woman?” I said to myself as I sat beside her. I took out my book and simply looked at the blackboard in front, feeling jittery. “Hey, don’t be shy. Don’t tell me you are not used to it,” said Natalie while giving me her impish smile. “Of course I’m shy. Aren’t you? If you’re not, you should. You’re a girl you know.” “Hmph. Stupid Jamey. I won’t do it again. Is that cool with you?” asked her angrily. I gave her a nod before I dozed off. “Boring…”

     After a while, I woke up and I saw her, focused, reading I don’t know what. “She’s so pretty,” I wondered while staring at her face, love-strucked. “Hey! Don’t stare at me like that! What? Something on my face?” she interrupted my gazing. I flinched and said, “Stop shouting like my grandma. It’s nothing. Your face is fine.” She gave me a sour smile, and then continued doing her work. 

     I tried doing mine too but it was futile. It was so hard studying beside her. Studying beside a girl, that’s nothing, but your crush? Don’t tell me it’s nothing. As happy as I may be, I’m nervous. Her presence, her sweet-smelling cologne, and not to mention her voice. It’s beyond one’s imagination. Her voice was so charming and appealing. I could barely look away from her face for 10 seconds before trying to steal a look once again. She had a cute face, a little bit chubby and her cheeks was as red as blooming roses.

     “Dude. What is wrong with you? Staring at me like tiger hunting for its prey.” Again, I flinched. I quickly turned my face the other way and tried to stay cool. “When did I ever stare at you? You’re the one who is staring at me right now,” I murmured. “Come on dude. Even a blind guy can see what you did just now.” No I did not.” “Yes you were.” “Mr Jamey and Miss Natalie, if you don’t mind, we have a class right now? Stop fighting and do your work,” scolded Madam Julie. “Hmph!” Both of us looked away from each other. When the class ended, Natalie said sorry to me while I was packing. She gave me a letter, an apology letter she said and she asked me to open it only when I am alone at home and I was not to show it to anybody. I smiled. “Pretty and considerate,” I thought to myself.

     I put the letter inside my bag and cycled back home. Natalie went back with her dad even though her house was not too far from the tuition centre. I kept on thinking about the letter on the way home. “I wonder what is written in the letter?” I thought. When I arrived home, my friends who were happily playing soccer in the field shouted at me inviting me to join them. I refused them, quickly put my bike away and ran into my house, leaving my friends confused.

     In my room, I switched on the fan jumped onto my fluffy bed. I took my bag and searched for Natalie’s letter. “Hmm. Where did I put it?” After a few seconds, I managed to find it and scanned my whole room to make sure nobody was there. “Room locked, curtains closed. Okay, I’m safe.” I read the letter and I was greatly surprised by it.

“Dear Jamey, 

     I have been watching you for a long time. You are the most generous boy that I have ever met. Not to mention, you’re handsome too. Hehe. The reason I wrote this letter is that… I want to confess my feeling towards you.  

<3 <3 I LOVE YOU <3 <3  

     I have always liked you since we were in 8th grade. We were in the same class and when I saw you for the first time, I fell in love. It was love at first sight. I am really shy to ask you this, but my mom said I won’t get what I want if I never am brave enough to try and get it. Will you be my boyfriend? Please think about it and I honestly hope, with all my heart that you will accept me. I must go now. Love you!
P/s: Trust me, I am not pulling your leg. 

                                                                                                                                        Natalie 

                                                                                                                                            Natalie Portman”

      After reading her letter, I tried to remember all her reactions towards me, about what my friends used to tell me about her, and also about what I sometimes feel about her. “She was doing all that becaused she loves me… Dumb Jamey. Why didn’t you realise? Your friends have been telling you all this time and you didn’t believe them,” I pondered feeling stupid. With that realisation, came a surge of happiness and gladness. “Of course I’ll be your boyfriend…” I whispered softly.

     I smiled non-stop for the whole day till my mom asked me, “What’s wrong? You’ve been smiling a whole lot you’re freaking me out dear.” “It’s nothing mom. Can’t your son be happy?” I asked playfully. “Alright then. I’m glad you’re happy but don’t you think you owe me an explanation?” asked mom, smiling. “No, I’m too shy.” Mom laughed and pinched my cheeks, “Tell me. Who is the lucky girl?” 

     You can never hide anything from your mom. “MOM! Shhh! How’d you know? I haven’t said anything.” “I know my son, and I know that look. Your father had the same look last time.” “Blergh. Alright… I give up.” “So, who’s the girl?” “Natalie.” “Natalie? You mean Natalie Portman?” asked Mom with a shocked look. “Yeah. Her.” “Wow. My son is quite the lady killer huh?-” said Mom playfully, “I like her. She’s very nice and she’ll make a good wife I’m sure.” “MOM! We’re not even a couple yet. You’re pushing things too far.” Mom laughed and said, “I know. But I really do like her and you have my support, 100 percent.” I nodded and took one last sip of my soup. I cleaned the bowl, brushed my teeth and went to bed straight away after giving Mom good night kiss.

     I slept very late that night because I could not stop from thinking about her. The next morning, I was late for the tuition, again. To my surprise, the only seat available was beside her again. I paced to my seat slowly. “You’re always late,” she began the conversation. “Sorry, tons of work at home.” “Yeah right,” she smiled. That was her last words for that day. She was probably shy thinking about the letter. Fortunately, I had no problem concentrating that day. When the class ended, I gave her my reply and she was smiling broadly. She then ran towards her car gracefully. Her feet was so light and she moved as if she was floating on the clouds.

     I went home as usual and I was playing soccer with my friends when phone suddenly beeped. It was a message from an unknown number. I read the message, “Are you sure?” “Sorry. Sure about what? And who are you?” “Oops. Sorry. It’s me, Natalie. I was just confirming, are you sure I can be your girlfriend and you be mine? Hehe.” I jumped and screamed so hard all my friends stared at me. “Sorry guys! It’s my mom. She’s buying me a gift. Just ignore me,” I lied to them. I then replied her message, “Of course Nat. And to be honest, my mom kind of found out… And she said she likes you.”

     A few seconds later, my phone rang. It was her. She phoned me. I pressed the answer button anxiously. “Hi.” “Hi. Because you accepted me as your girlfriend, I would like you to do something for me.” “Oh come one. We just became a couple and you’re already bossing me around?” I asked laughing. “Aww. Don’t be like that. Please? It means a lot to me.” “Of course Nat. Why not. What is it that you want me to do?” “I want you to propose me to be your girl formally. That’s all.”

     “Alright. I can do that, no problem. Are you free tomorrow?” “Yes, I am.” “Okay. What about a date tomorrow, at Ivory Plaza?” “I’m only free after 11 o’clock.” “Let’s meet at the fountain around 12 then?” She giggled, “Yay! Thank you Jamey. I love you. I’ll see you there at 12. Bye.” “I love you too Nat,” and we both hung up. That was the most exciting and also the happiest moment in my whole life I almost fainted out of joy.

     Tomorrow came really fast and I prepared myself quite too early for the date. We planned to meet at the fountain at 12 and I was there thirty minutes earlier. I couldn’t wait but I was nervous at the same time. I wore a casual, black Nike t-shirt, grey skinny fit Levi’s denims for my pants and of course, my favourite Navy blue, Stan Smith Adidas shoes. Don’t tell anyone though, nothing on me are original products except these pair of shoes. Who’s crazy enough to pay $100 for a t-shirt. Definitely not me.

     To my astonishment, she came early too but still a minute too late before me. She was gorgeous and let me tell you how beautiful she was. She wore a loose-fitting white Adidas t-shirt with a black hooded track jacket on top, light blue high-rise skinny jeans for her pants suited with a pair of maroon Canvas Old Skool Vans. She was being herself, she rocked that look and no one can be prettier than those who are comfortable in their own skin.

     From tips to toe, she was perfect. Looking at her running towards me felt like I was watching one of the angels from the heaven running at me. “Hello. You’re early. “And you’re late,” I complained gleefully. “Aww. It’s not even twelve yet!” “I was just kidding-” laughing quietly, “You look really nice.” “What? Just nice?” “Okay, you’re pretty and I love everything about you.” “Really? Mom said this is not dating outfit, more like what I always wear for skating.” And that’s what I like about you.” “That’s sweet. Thank you-” she said with a happy face, “Let’s go.”

     “You look sharp today, and very handsome,” she told me while eating a piece of pie. “Don’t tell me you just noticed that?” asked me, joking. “Of course not silly. I noticed it a long time ago but only today do I have the chance to tell you that,” she chuckled. “Thank you,” I answered while giving her my cat-like smile. She laughed and then took my hand. She brought me to a shop. Inside it was full with gems and rings. She went to the counter and greeted the woman who seemed to be in her forty.

     “Hi Mom,” she said to the woman. “Hi darling. Is this him.” “Yes, the very one.” “Hello Jamey. Natalie told me a lot about you,” said her Mom while smiling to me frankly. “Hello Ma’am. She did?” I asked, blushing. “Yes. She can talk for a whole day about you with me. You really should have hear it,” said her while chuckling quite the same way as Natalie always did. “Like mother, like daughter,” I thought. “MOM! That’s my secret. You’re not supposed to tell him that,” interrupted Natalie. 

     “Sorry honey. I just couldn’t help it-” Natalie’s mom smiled, “I only want him to know that you truly love him.” “Don’t worry Ma’am. Just this one evening and she has told me that thousand times I lost count already,” Natalie slapped my shoulder hard. Her mom laughed and said, “You guys are really cute together. Don’t forget that love is another, studying is another. Don’t let love affect your studies okay guys.” “Aye aye Ma’am,” answered us both and we both laughed at that. 

     Her mom smiled. “Oh, I forgot. This is for both of you,” and then she took two silver rings from a case near her. We took the rings and marveled at the unknown glyphs carved on them. “No you shouldn’t,” said Natalie and I simultaneously. We laughed again and I continued, “These looks expensive Ma’am. The carvings are very detailed and we can’t afford such things.” “It’s okay. Just take it. You see, these glyphs here are said to be elven glyphs of old. And these, when worn in pair, is like a prayer that you two will be together forever. I don’t know if it’s true but in any case, I do pray for you guys to be together forever,” she said while putting the rings on our fingers. “Thanks Mom. You’re the best. Ever,” said Natalie while hugging her tightly and kissed her on both of her cheeks. Her mom then gave me a hug as well which made me blush but it felt really nice to be trusted that much.

     “Thank you so much Ma’am. How can I ever thank you?” “You can do that by not hurting her and give her the happiness she deserves.” “I won’t forget that and I’ll do my best Ma’am,” I assured her. For one last time that day, Natalie hugged her mom again and then off we went out of that shop.

     “You should have told me that you were bringing me to see your mom.” “How can I? If I did tell you before, will you meet her?” “Fine. You win. I probably won’t if you did. Your mom is really nice though.” “I know,” she grinned. “Let’s enjoy today and make you mom’s wish come true. Just you and me.” “Just you and me Jamey,” she said and she held my arms. That day, we had so much fun together. We skated, we watched, we read books in BORDERS for free but really, if I have to pick which of the moments that day was the best. I would say it was our meeting with her mother. Then at 6 o’clock, she had to go back.

     “When we’re having the most fun, that’s when the time always fly,” I told her sadly. “Yes, but it’s okay. We had fun and we will have more fun, don’t you worry.” “Now you’re talking.” She smiled and said, “Let’s go out again some other time okay.” “Sure Nat. When you’re free, you know who to call.” “I’ll remember that.” “Don’t forget what your mom said though, we should not forget our studies as well.” “Of course. Let’s make going to college our goals?” “Set. Let’s go to college,” I promised her. She smiled, “Okay. I must go now so bye. I love you.” “I love you too Nat. Bye bye,” I replied. She smiled and waved at me one last time before running towards her mom.

     I waved at them and I saw her whispering to her mom. She suddenly came running back to me and said, “Sorry, I forgot.” “What is it?” I asked her, feeling confused. All of a sudden, she kissed me on the cheek and almost immediately, she ran away while I was still stunned at that sudden development.  “She really knows how to catch me off guard. I better be careful next time,” I murmured softly while my smiling alone. She was already far off when I regained control of myself.

     I took her mom’s gift, the shiny, silver ring with the glyphs and looked at it closely. Beautiful piece of art. The designer truly is gifted. “Elven glyphs that works as a prayer for couples huh. True or not, one can never deny this thing is a beauty it must be expensive. I have to repay Ma’am’s kindness somehow some other day,” I thought to myself. I gave my mom a call  while walking out of the mall and waited for my mom at the entrance.

     My mom came fifteen minutes later and she noticed the broad smile on face, and also the silver ring on my finger. “Wohoo. Someone got himself a girlfriend,” she said teasing me. My life felt brighter with Natalie by my side. I guess it’s true what people were saying. Finding true love is really beautiful and empowering. “No mom. I didn’t get a girlfriend.” She gave me a confused look. “I got myself an elf. The loveliest,” I said with a grin like the Cheshire Cat.

Doktor, Itu Je?

Ossu! Pekabo?

     Alhamdulilah, dah 4 bulan menjejakkkan kaki masuk clinical years.  Jauh lagi perjalanan nak jadi  seorang doktor tapi tak apa, pelan-pelan kayuh orang kata. Mohon semua doakan. Dah jadi doktor nanti, mana tahu dapat menyumbang jadi salah seorang penulis Diagnosis ke. Hehe. Tinggi benor cita-cita. Dah, jom sambung cerita. Cerita ni inspirasi dia (ceewah) datang lepas kena sound dengan doktor pakar dalam klinik ortopedik.

    Masa tu lebih kurang pukul 1 tengah hari, saya dengan member join klinik seorang doktor pakar ni. Doktor ni pakar tulang jadi klinik dia memang dari pagi sampai petang untuk layan pesakit yang ada masalah berkaitan. Nak jadi cerita, datanglah sepasang suami isteri, muda lagi, bawa anak perempuan mereka ke klinik. Adik ni patah tulang selangka (clavicle) dalam dua-tiga minggu lepas sebab terjatuh masa main lompat-lompat atas sofa. Budak-budak biasalah, buas.

     Dari mula-mula masuk pintu lagi adik ni dah menangis, sambil dipujuk ibunya. Dia nampak kami medical students pula, lagi kuat dia menangis. Mungkin sebab nampak kami pakai white coat, dia ingat kami nak cucuk dia barangkali. Ini antara dilema pelajar perubatan juga ni, nak buka white coat tak boleh, takut nanti tertukar dengan doktor-doktor lain pula, jadi kami semua cubalah pujuk dia sekali. Doktor sogok dia dengan gula-gula baru dia senyum sikit. Laju tangan dia capai gula-gula yang doktor hulur.

      Doktor cek x-ray dia dan kami yang bukanlah mahir sangat pun tengok x-ray, pun boleh tahu, pasti, tulang adik ni memang dah bercantum elok. Lega, doktor pun mula berbual dengan mereka. Muka suami isteri nampak lega betul bila diberitahu tulang anak mereka dah sembuh hampir sepenuhnya. Selepas selesai ambil history sikit, doktor cuba nak periksa pergerakan tangan adik ni. Just to make sure she really is fine. Adik tu mula menangis balik tak nak bagi doktor periksa dia. Doktor cuma senyum dan gosok kepala dia. Pap, adik tu tepis tangan doktor. Garang betul. Haha. Doktor geletek dia pula, dia ketawa dan sekali lagi dia tepis tangan doktor ke tepi pula.

     "Okaylah, dia tak nak bagi cek tak apa. Adik okay dah, tulang pun dah sambung elok, tengok tak ada apa-apa, kira tak payah datang lagi dah untuk apa-apa check-up," kata doktor. "Itu je doktor?" tanya si ibu. "Yup. Tulang dia dah sembuh sepenuhnya, dia pun sihat. Jadi itu sahaja, tapi kalau ada apa-apa lagi lepas ni, boleh telefon klinik dan dapatkan temujanji baru ya," balas doktor. Si ibu dan si bapa cuma senyum mengangguk dan keluar klinik selepas mengucapkan terima kasih.

     Dalam hati saya, saya boleh faham kenapa ibunya bertanya sedemikian. Doktor ni cek adik tu tak sampai 5 minit. Setakat tengok x-ray, dah boleh discaj pesakit. Macam..."WHAT????" Tangan dia pun doktor tengok macam tu sahaja, range of motion okay ke tidak, sakit ke apa ke, tak ada pula dia cek. Tapi kita yang student, dia yang pakar, mana berani nak tanya. Hentam sajalah Labu. Maka di situlah bermulanya saat kepahitan. *bunyi pintu terbuka macam dalam filem seram*

     Doktor berpaling ke belakang, dan mula bertanya kami berbagai soalan. "Adik tu kenapa saya discaj?" Krik krik krik. "Berapa lama tulang budak-budak ambil masa untuk sembuh?" Diam. "Awak rasa tulang dia macam mana?" "Tengok x-ray okay doktor." "Clinically macam mana? Patient depan mata awak, tengok x-ray tak aci."Diam lagi. Mana kita nak tahu, tengok doktor pun macam tak cek apa-apa, cuma x-ray. Silap besar rupanya. Kami yang buta.

     "It's okay then since this is your first week. You have to be perceptive and know what you want to see. Patient paeds (kanak-kanak) kita tak examine macam adult. Contoh tadi, saya tengok range of motion dia full. Tengok dia punya tangan masa ambil gula-gula dengan saya tadi kan? Tinggi dia capai gula-gula atas kepala dia. Lepas tu tengok tak dia tepis tangan saya masa saya cuba geletek dia dengan gosok kepala dia? Means power pun okay. Dia pun tak menangis sakit ke apa therefore I know, clinically patient is fit for discharge. And supported with the x-ray findings. Macam tu caranya nak periksa pesakit paeds tapi tak apa, you have a long way to go," ajar doktor pakar tu bersungguh-sungguh. Malu kita ni sebab ragu-ragu dengan doktor sendiri, kita yang tak tahu, kita kata dia tak periksa. Buta kayu.

     That happened almost 6 weeks ago and it reminded me of many viral posts trying to shame healthcare workers. Nurse pakai baju ketat, doktor tidur dalam wad, doktor tak pandai jahit luka buat macam guni katanya dan entah apa lagi yang saya sendiri mungkin terlepas pandang,Sekarang ni kan zaman viral, semua benda nak viral. Daripada yang baik ke yang buruk, yang neuron otak kurang bersambung, yang buat putus urat kentut ketawa, macam-macamlah. Yang sedihnya, lebih ramai (especially rakyat Malaysia) yang suka viralkan benda-benda yang bukan sahaja tak berfaedah, buat cari gaduh, lepas tu entah betul ke tidak sampai buat diri sendiri nampak lagi bodoh. Dasar keyboard warrior.

     Point here is, janganlah mudah-mudah menjatuhkan maruah pekerja kesihatan atau sesiapa sahaja yang cuba sehabis baik untuk membantu anda. Kalau ada yang tak puas hati, minta penjelasan. Doktor memang ditugaskan untuk memahamkan pesakit setakat mana yang pesakit mahu tahu. Kalau anda nak tahu sampai tahap doktor pakar pun, dia memang akan cuba jelaskan sebaik mungkin. Macam doktor pakar dalam cerita di atas, ada kemungkinan kalau orang nak buat hal, boleh saja dia tangkap gambar doktor tu dan tulis satu post dalam Facebook, "Doktor Pakar Malas Periksa Pesakit." Sedangkan in reality, doktor tu memang dah periksa apa yang sepatutnya diperiksa. Puluhan tahun pengalaman, ribuan bilangan pesakit yang dah dirawat, kita tak ada semua tu. Makanya jangan memperbodohkan orang semudah makan kacang menglembu. Macam lembu je orang pandang kau nanti. Bergurau ja noh. Take care guys. Ciao and have a nice day. :)


~JAW~

Brief Moments

 It was a grey morning,

Filled with the sound of rain,

Moving slowly across the roofs,

Nearer and nearer,

There I walk soaking wet,

As the cloud passed my head.

As I looked to the left,

My gaze lied heavy on a figure,

There I saw... him,

Under a tree,

Lying on the grass,

Ripples expanding across the lake nearby.

He was still dry, still relaxing

Still... oblivious

Of the rain that comes quietly.

The rain reached the moment,

Where it almost touched his hair, 

But in that brief moment,

Grey as it may be,

He was happy and dry,

Enjoying the morning sky.

And me myself?

The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows,

No harm playing in the rain sometimes,

Whipped my hair and started moving,

Slowly as the cold wind blows by,

Quietly passing as phantoms barely seen.

Wet I was but still relaxing,

No longer oblivious of the rain,

Still moving, slow I may be but steady.

~Jaw~

Sahabat

SAHABAT

TAK TAK TAK, BUNYI derapan kasut terompah menghampiri Grell dari belakang.

"Grell! Grell!" jerit satu suara yang sangat dikenalinya.

Grell berpaling, "Apa dia?" di tangan tergenggam pedang kegemarannya, D3 Criss, berwarna biru kemerah-merahan dengan elemen kilat.

Boom! Mata Grell silau dek Amiya Punishment yang meletus di depannya seperti api yang keluar daripada enjin roket yang sedang berlepas. Membutakan.

"Budak ni, kot ya pun takde PVP takleh ke greet leklok," getus Grell dalam hati. TQ berdiri di depannya memegang panah update terbaru. Entah apa nama, berwarna merah terang benderang dengan efek api.

"Hee," TQ buat muka toya, senyum tak bersalah. "Awak busy tak ni? Kita nak minta tolong sikit."

"Dah la fire orang dengan Amiya, ada hati nak minta tolong," marah Grell.

"Ala, saja je tu. Boleh la. Penting ni. Please please please," pujuk TQ.

"Apa dia?"

"Tolong ajar kita Maths, SPM dah dekat ni."

Grell ketawa, "Deyy kakak. Kita tinggal SPM dah berapa lama. Maths dah karat la. Sikit-sikit ada ingat la. Math Mod ke Math Tam?"

"Boleh punya. Awak pandai," mata tergedik-gedik konon nak pujuk Grell, "Math Mod. Ada soalan yang kita tak faham."

"Hmm. Kita try la eh. Yang mana kita tahu kita tolong."

"Okay. Thank you Grell! Buka Skype cepat!" arah TQ.

"Aye aye captain."

Grell menutup window game dan terus log masuk ke Skype dan belum pun sempat berbuat apa-apa, satu panggilan video terus masuk. Grell senyum sendiri dan terus menjawab panggilan tersebut.

"Test test. Dengar tak? Grell?" tanya TQ.

"Ah, dengar dengar, jap nak buka kamera," jawab Grell dengan nada bersahaja lantas menekan butang Switch On Camera di skrin.

"Aaa!!!" satu jeritan kedengaran di sebelah sana.

"Apa? Apa?" tanya Grell cemas.

"Awak tak pakai baju..." jawab TQ sambil menutup mata dengan 10 jari.        

“Dia ingat kita tak nampak yang dia curi-curi tengok celah-celah jari tu," fikir Grell sendiri. "Sorry. Tak perasan. Jap," cekap Grell mencapai bajunya yang tergantung di kerusi. Bilik asramanya bersaiz kecil, memuatkan dua orang. Roomate-nya pula tak ada di bilik, masih sibuk di kelas barangkali.

TQ memarahinya, "Lain kali check la dulu. Apa la."

"Ya la. Sorry. Mana soalan?" Grell menjawab malas.

"Yang ni dulu," TQ menunjukkan soalan di hadapan kamera.

"Tak jelas la. Cer rapat sikit," beritahu Grell namun soalan tersebut masih tidak jelas di skrin.

"Kita snap gambar la. Jap." Beberapa saat kemudian TQ pun menghantar beberapa keping gambar. Kali ini barulah jelas kelihatan soalannya.

"Haa, ni okay. Bagi kita a few minutes. Nak tengok soalan," beritahu Grell.

"Baik bos!" balas TQ.

Tiba-tiba kedengaran bunyi piano dari dalam earphone-nya. TQ sedang memainkan lagu original hasil gubahannya sendiri.

"Piece baru lagi? Hebat la awak. I want your first, second, third and so on album. With autograph and for free please," Grell mengipas baik punya. TQ ketawa.

"Ha ah. Baru. Best tak?"

"Could use some more work tapi kita suka," balas Grell dengan senyuman, ikhlas memuji sahabatnya. Dia memang mengagumi TQ yang sangat mahir bermain muzik. Grell pernah bercita-cita menjadi pemuzik semasa kecil tapi setelah menghadiri beberapa kelas, dia menyerah kalah. Alasannya, dia tidak berbakat dan fikirnya lebih baik fokus kepada perkara lain. Apa perkara lain tu, sampai sekarang dia masih tidak tahu.

"Ni kita dah siapkan soalan ni. Check la jawapan dia betul ke tak."

TQ berhenti bermain piano dan terus memeriksa jawapan Grell.

"Yup. Betul. Cane awak buat?"

"Gini," Grell terus masuk mod mengajar. Bila masuk mod ni, dia terus straight to the point, tak cakap banyak. Akan diajarnya orang tersebut sampai faham, begitulah sikap Grell yang pernah bercita-cita menjadi seorang guru.

"Okay. Kita faham dah semua soalan-soalan ni. Nanti kalau ada soalan lain, kita call lagi ok?" tanya TQ.

"Tak jadi hal. Setakat mana kita tahu kita tolong la," balas Grell.

"Adik!!! Hang sembang ngan sapa lama sangat? Hang pi buat kerja sekolah nuh," marah satu suara.

"Alamak, mak kita! Dok buat la ni mak!! Ada kawan ajaq!!" jerit TQ. Cepat-cepat dia mematikan panggilan dan meninggalkan Grell sendirian. Grell ketawa terbahak-bahak.

"You're welcome," getusnya di dalam hati.

Begitulah hidup mereka hampir setiap hari selama beberapa bulan. Grell mengajar TQ Matematik dan kadang-kadang, diredahnya juga mengajar subjek lain walaupun sudah hampir 5 tahun meninggalkan sekolah. Sebagai balasan, TQ pula akan memainkan piano untuknya setiap hari buat menghilangkan keletihan dan kusut di kepala dengan pelajarannya sendiri.

***Setahun kemudian***

“Letih doh hari-hari kelas sampai petang macam ni. Seminggu straight bro. Huu, tak tahan,” beritahu Ad kepada Grell sambil membuka pintu bilik mereka. Grell melangkah masuk dan memasang kipas terlebih dahulu. Kerusi ditarik betul-betul di bawah kipas dan dia duduk sambil membuka kemejanya.

“Nak sangat kau buat Medic, haa tahan la. Nak-nak pula musim El-Nino, panas tak ingat,” Grell menyambung perbualan. Ad cuma ketawa kecil sebelum naik ke atas katil double-decker, standard katil di mana-mana asrama penuh tu.

“Baring jap, penat,” kata Ad malas. Penat sungguh kelas back to back  sepanjang hari, rehat cuma waktu makan tengah hari. Sempatlah solat dan makan sikit. Biasalah tu hidup di universiti, walaupun ada jadual kuliah, tapi masanya tetap berubah-ubah mengikut jadual kerja pensyarah sendiri. Akhirnya jadual yang lapang menjadi sesak juga.

Grell menghidupkan laptopnya di atas meja study lantas ke bilik air mengambil wuduk. Selesai sahaja menunaikan solat asar, dia membuka Facebook.

“Hari ni result SPM kan? Mesej TQ jap,” Grell berkata kepada dirinya sendiri. “Salam. TQ. Pekabo yong. Acano result? Hehe,” butang Send ditekan.

“Skype…” balas TQ.

“Lah, online rupanya. Macam tak kena je minah ni.” Tanpa bertanya banyak, Grell terus log masuk ke Skype dan seperti kebiasaannya, satu panggilan video masuk sebelum dia sempat melakukan apa-apa.

“Grell… Kita kena marah dengan family kita. Teruk,” beritahu TQ teresak-esak. Suaranya sayu. TQ membuka cermin mata dan mengesap air mata dari pipinya.

“Kenapa ni? Ni mesti menangis sepanjang hari ni. Teruknya muka,” Grell Cuma senyum tawar tak tahu bagaimana nak memulakan bicara. Soalan ditanya sekadar berbasa basi walaupun jawapannya sudah boleh di agak di dalam kepala.

“Mak marah sangat tadi… Kakak-kakak pun sama, kata kita bodoh, tak kesian kat mak…” kata TQ.

Grell mengangguk tanda faham namun dia terus mendiamkan diri. Dia tahu benar, masa-masa begini, menjadi pendengar lebih baik. TQ meneruskan bicara.

“Kita sedar kita tak pandai. Kakak-kakak kita lawyer, medical student…” beritahu TQ, “Kita? Arts je. Lukis-lukis je pandai. Mak kata takde masa depan. Grell… Kita tak tahan.”

“Eh. Tak adalah sampai macam tu. Bagi kita, Arts ni antara yang cerah masa depan dia kat Malaysia. Kan sekarang zaman kartun-kartun Malaysia naik. Tapi boleh kita tahu, kenapa mak dengan kakak-kakak cakap macam tu?” Grell bertanya lembut.

“Kita dapat 2A je. Maths dengan Seni. Takde fail, tapi banyak C.”

“TQ fahamkan sekarang kenapa diorang marah?”

“Tahu… Tapi dah nasib. Nak buat macam mana?”

Grell menyusun ayat dalam kepala supaya mesej yang hendak disampaikannya diterima dan tidak menyakitkan hati TQ.

“TQ, awak ingat tak, dalam seminggu dua sebelum SPM, kita tanya awak, kenapa main game lama sangat. Tak study ke? Ingat?”

“Ingat…”

“Lepas kita tanya tu, awak off sejam. Lepas tu tengok-tengok, awak online balik. Main pula 3-4 jam. Perasan?”

“Perasan…” muka TQ makin sugul. Pipi yang sudah mula mengering kembali basah dek air mata yang bercucuran.

“Sejam tu… Awak buat apa?”

“Kita…study…”

Grell tahu TQ menipu melalui gerak-geri badannya, matanya yang dipalingkan ke arah lain, jawapannya yang teragak-agak. Dia kenal benar kawannya. Memang ketagih dengan game online. Masanya dihabiskan berjam-jam setiap hari untuk game, sehinggakan kadang-kadang, 12 jam mudah-mudah saja terbuang di hujung minggu.

“Awak rasa, study sejam, main game 3-4 jam, balance ke?”

TQ cuma diam seribu bahasa. Grell menyambung lagi.

“Tak baik tau. Salahkan nasib macam tu. Kita kena tengok juga, usaha kita macam mana. Allah ni tak kejam. InsyaAllah, selalunya, dia akan bagi balasan yang setimpal dengan usaha kita.”

“Tahu… Grell. Tolong kita…” TQ mula menangis teresak-esak. Empangan air mata yang ditahannya bersungguh-sungguh akhirnya pecah juga. Grell senyum kerana tahu mesejnya sampai. Dia menukar topik, topik yang tadi biarlah bersambung di kemudian hari. Bila emosi TQ sudah stabil sedikit.

“Tak apa. Kita teman awak hari ni,” Grell membatalkan niatnya keluar bermain bola tampar petang ni. “Kita faham perasaan tu. Kita pun pernah fail teruk exam. Ayah kita pun kata kita antara yang paling bodoh dalam batch kita sebab fail. Teruk kita kena marah masa tu.”

“Ayah awak pun sama?”

“Yup. Tapi kita faham. Dia sebenarnya marah sayang. Kadang-kadang parents kita memang macam tu, diorang terlepas cakap sebab sedih sangat. Mak awak kita pasti dia pun macam tu. Yang penting, sekarang ni, awak kena kuat, jangan ambil hati sangat apa family kata. Bagi diorang masa. InsyaAllah, diorang akan cool down nanti.”

“Tapi macam mana nak kuat Grell… Kat meja makan, takde sape tengok muka kita. Semua diam je. Kita tak lalu makan, terus naik.”

“Kenapalah teruk sangat family support dia ni,” fikir Grell sendiri. “Hey! Mana boleh tak makan. Tapi untuk menjawab soalan tu, nak kuat senang je. Kita kan ada.” Grell ketawa.

“Eleh,” TQ senyum sumbing. “Awak ada boleh buat apa?”

“Kita boleh dengar masalah awak. Setidak-tidaknya, ada la juga orang nak bersembang kan?”

“Alah, itu kawan kita yang lain pun boleh buat. Apa bezanya. Ceh.”

“Haa, itulah awak tak tahu. Bezanya sekarang, awak cerita masalah awak kat kita. Bukan diorang.”

“Bweekk,” TQ menjelir lidah. “Kita boleh je nak cerita kat diorang. Tapi kalau cerita kat yang happy, kan ke rosak pula hari bahagia dia. Kalau nak cerita kat yang senasib dengan kita, kesian burden kat dia pula.”

Grell tersenyum melihat gelagat kawannya. Bersyukur melihat sahabatnya yang sudah kelihatan ceria sedikit. “Makanya, itulah beza dia kakak. Kita neutral. Awak nak cerita benda sedih ke, happy ke, kita okay je.”

“Okay. Nanti kita cerita banyak-banyak sampai awak penat. Padan muka. Nak sangat jadi kaunselor kita. Kita tak kira, satu minggu ni, awak kita punya!!!”

Ketawa mereka pecah.

“Grell. Terima kasih ya tolong kita. Setidak-tidaknya kita ada 2A. And, satu A tu sebab awaklah,” TQ memberitahu Grell jujur.

“Eh? Pula? Macam mana pula sebab kita?”

“Awak kan selalu ajar kita Maths. Banyak latihan yang kita buat masuk exam. Pastu kita ingat semua tips awak kasi. Senang faham, senang ingat, senang buat.”

“Oh, kita tolong sikit je. Kalau awak tak cari kita, tak jadi juga.”

“Still! Terima kasih. Boleh je awak decline. Awak kan student medik, busy. Nak main sukan lagi petang-petang. Tapi bila kita minta tolong, ada je masa awak.”

“Ya lah. Sama-sama. Kita tolong ikhlas. Awak macam adik kita, kita nak awak berjaya. Itu je.”

“Hmm. Grell…”

“Apa?” “Haa sudah. Budak ni nak confess kat aku ke? Alamak, naya aku ni. Salah step ke?” fikir Grell. Mukanya merah, kepalanya pening memikirkan bagaimana cara terbaik untuk menjawab luahan cinta si TQ nanti.

“Betullah kan, usaha tangga kejayaan. Yang kita usaha dengan awak, kita boleh je dapat A. Seni pun dapat A sebab kita memang selalu melukis, benda kita minat. Yang lain-lain tu, betul, kita lebih banyak main daripada belajar. Kita rasa ni la dia hikmah yang Allah nak bagi kat kita.”

Grell menutup mulutnya yang melopong. Dia cuba menyembunyikan mukanya yang semakin merah padam, malu kerana berfikir yang bukan-bukan. “Err. Aaa. Aah. Betul la tu. Betul sangat. Usaha tangga kejayaan.” Di sebalik rasa malu, timbul juga rasa gembira kerana topik yang dihajatkan untuk disambungnya ketika emosi TQ stabil sepertinya sudah tidak relevan lagi. TQ sudah menyedari kesilapannya dan itu sudah cukup buatnya.

“Kenapa muka awak merah? Eee. Lawaklah.”

“Ma-mana ada. Tak merah pun.”

Ketawa mereka pecah lagi. Kedua-duanya yang tadi kepenatan dengan kehidupan masing-masing kini terhibur. Grell bahagia melihat kawannya tersenyum, TQ pula gembira mengetahui dia mempunyai sahabat sebaik Grell. Sedikit pun mereka tidak menyangka, bermula dengan pertemuan di dalam satu game online, yang kemudiannya terbawa-bawa ke Facebook dan Skype boleh pergi sehingga tahap ini. Mereka tidak pernah bersua muka namun dalam diam-diam, kedua-duanya menyimpan harapan agar mereka dapat bertemu satu hari nanti. 


~Jaw~